Hello peeps and peepettes! I had a very interesting and enlightening conversation with myself on the way home from work today. I asked myself what I have planned for tonight and, being totally insane, I answered me. Here is how it went:
ME: So, what do you feel like doing tonight?
Myself: I don't know.....Tim and Ang invited us over for dinner and a small party. Do you feel like going?
ME: Sounds nice....will we be the only single person again?
Myself: Most likely.
Me: Holy crap dude!!! Again?
Myself: Of course...and don't call me dude
Me: Really? Tell you what....why don't you just stay home. I really don't need to be listening to your crap on New Years!
Myself: That sounds like the best idea your small brain has come up with yet!
Me: Fine...BIAAATTTCCCHHHH!
And so it goes..... alone again on New Years Eve. NO....No...don't cry for me...please. It will be alright. After all, do you really think I will wake up alone? Of course not! Everything will be fine when I wake up in the morning by Myself!
Keep on laughing everyone and have the best NEW YEAR EVER. Love you all and be safe.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
The Toilet......
.....It is a subject rarely touched upon when discussing a relationship. Sometimes we say something like " my relationship is in the crapper" , but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the porcelain fixture in your bathroom. Yes, that's right, The Throne! It can make or break a relationship...it has immense power!! How, you ask? Please allow me to explain.
I will start with an explanation for men. Logical, right? You see, the toilet says much about you. She can walk into your bathroom and, just by looking at your toilet, know if you are a keeper, a fling or HISTORY! I know, right now you are asking yourself which of these categories you fall into. Not to worry! It is my sworn duty to help my fellow man realize his fool( yes, fool) potential!
Lets start with the Keeper. Yes, you of the face shield, rubber gloves, toilet brush, Lysol bowl cleaner and wipes. You keep your toilet in tip top shape! There is not a stain to be seen. Not in the bowl, around the bowl, under or on the seat...not even under the lid. You take pride in the toilet and the blue liquid that sparkles within. What can a guest expect beyond the bowl? Why, a full roll of tissue, of coarse! Next to that is a full box of wet wipes....ohhhh, you are prepared, you little devil you! And what do we have to wash our hands afterwards? Oh my, feast your eyes on what is before us.... Lavender scented softsoap and a clean, folded hand towel next to a sparkling clean wash basin!!! My, My.....this one is a keeper.....or just possibly gay! Either way, this restroom aficionado scores a 10 with the ladies. Well done, Oh Lord of the Thrones!
Let us move on to our next example. Say hello to this tidy abode! Unlike our last visit, this room leaves just a little to be desired. Let us inspect a bit closer, shall we? Well, well....it certainly wasn't cleaned before our arrival but it has been cleaned very recently. The water isn't blue but it isn't brown either. The roll of toilet paper is almost out and there are no wet wipes. After washing hands we look for a towel and find one that is damp( did he just use this to dry off after his shower?). Well...well....so? How do you think this purveyor of porcelain did? Not so well I'm afraid. While she did spend the night, he wasn't quite house broken enough to keep. She did say that with a little training, discipline, and punishment, he could, one day, turn into a keeper. So don't give up. Keep reaching for the blue bowl my friend!
Last but not least, our 3rd and final example. Let us open the door on this petri dish, shall we? Oooohhhhh Myyyyy........tisk, tisk, tisk. I think it is safe to say that the only woman that would use this Dungeon of Doo Doo would have to be a crack head! The only reason she wouldn't care is because after she closes the door she is too busy loading her pipe to notice the ring around the bowl( is that fungus or hard water stain?) and too busy lighting her pipe to notice all the other deficiencies that abound in your commodes abode. Safe to say that you, my friend ( not ), won't be having any quality relationships anytime soon. By the way, check her pockets before you let her leave. I think she stole the pile of fast food napkins that you were using for toilet paper. Hate to see you stuck on the bowl with only your finger for...well, you know.
Well, I do believe I have made my point about the importance of the Mighty Throne to your relationships. We have only started at the beginning of this important lesson...remember these two love birds are just meeting and starting to date so there will be more to come........
By the way..... this one was a bit on the sarcastic side, so bear with me.... I will address serious issues in a serious way as well. Love one another....PLEASE!
I will start with an explanation for men. Logical, right? You see, the toilet says much about you. She can walk into your bathroom and, just by looking at your toilet, know if you are a keeper, a fling or HISTORY! I know, right now you are asking yourself which of these categories you fall into. Not to worry! It is my sworn duty to help my fellow man realize his fool( yes, fool) potential!
Lets start with the Keeper. Yes, you of the face shield, rubber gloves, toilet brush, Lysol bowl cleaner and wipes. You keep your toilet in tip top shape! There is not a stain to be seen. Not in the bowl, around the bowl, under or on the seat...not even under the lid. You take pride in the toilet and the blue liquid that sparkles within. What can a guest expect beyond the bowl? Why, a full roll of tissue, of coarse! Next to that is a full box of wet wipes....ohhhh, you are prepared, you little devil you! And what do we have to wash our hands afterwards? Oh my, feast your eyes on what is before us.... Lavender scented softsoap and a clean, folded hand towel next to a sparkling clean wash basin!!! My, My.....this one is a keeper.....or just possibly gay! Either way, this restroom aficionado scores a 10 with the ladies. Well done, Oh Lord of the Thrones!
Let us move on to our next example. Say hello to this tidy abode! Unlike our last visit, this room leaves just a little to be desired. Let us inspect a bit closer, shall we? Well, well....it certainly wasn't cleaned before our arrival but it has been cleaned very recently. The water isn't blue but it isn't brown either. The roll of toilet paper is almost out and there are no wet wipes. After washing hands we look for a towel and find one that is damp( did he just use this to dry off after his shower?). Well...well....so? How do you think this purveyor of porcelain did? Not so well I'm afraid. While she did spend the night, he wasn't quite house broken enough to keep. She did say that with a little training, discipline, and punishment, he could, one day, turn into a keeper. So don't give up. Keep reaching for the blue bowl my friend!
Last but not least, our 3rd and final example. Let us open the door on this petri dish, shall we? Oooohhhhh Myyyyy........tisk, tisk, tisk. I think it is safe to say that the only woman that would use this Dungeon of Doo Doo would have to be a crack head! The only reason she wouldn't care is because after she closes the door she is too busy loading her pipe to notice the ring around the bowl( is that fungus or hard water stain?) and too busy lighting her pipe to notice all the other deficiencies that abound in your commodes abode. Safe to say that you, my friend ( not ), won't be having any quality relationships anytime soon. By the way, check her pockets before you let her leave. I think she stole the pile of fast food napkins that you were using for toilet paper. Hate to see you stuck on the bowl with only your finger for...well, you know.
Well, I do believe I have made my point about the importance of the Mighty Throne to your relationships. We have only started at the beginning of this important lesson...remember these two love birds are just meeting and starting to date so there will be more to come........
By the way..... this one was a bit on the sarcastic side, so bear with me.... I will address serious issues in a serious way as well. Love one another....PLEASE!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
It is very complicated....
...Well, here I go again! I was thinking today about relationships. Not just between a person and their significant other but all types of relationships. The one thing I realized is that, by and large, all types are somewhat complicated. Complicated because we are all individuals and as individuals we are unique in so many ways. We could search the world over and never find a duplicate of ourselves. Sure, we can find someone who looks almost identical or thinks somewhat the same but we will never find a true 100% match to ourselves. Even Identical twins are not 100% identical. Each one is an individual and has their own thoughts and ideas.
So, with this in mind, how do we forge, foster, improve or repair relationships. Keep in mind that I have not gone to school to be some counselor or that I have a masters in some related field. My school doesn't hand out degrees! My school doesn't charge per unit. It doesn't issue grades( wait...it sort of does). My school is everyday life and I imagine that you and I have been learning the same lessons. Some of us keep repeating the same mistakes over and over , while others are able to move on and get a "Lesson Learned" patch to sew on their heart.
Relationships are one of the most, if not the most, important elements of being human. Those around us can make us happy, sad, angry, hurt, annoyed, love, smile,frown...etc...etc. Relationships are constantly evolving, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. We are always meeting new people and we add them to our lives or not. Sometimes it is a short meeting or a long friendship or more. Sometimes it is one that is never forgotten or, perhaps, it is one we wish we never had. In the end it is a lesson learned all the same.
This is the part of life that is most confusing, difficult and ...... YES..... VERY COMPLICATED..... but I wouldn't change it for the world. Relationships are why we LOVE!
So, with this in mind, how do we forge, foster, improve or repair relationships. Keep in mind that I have not gone to school to be some counselor or that I have a masters in some related field. My school doesn't hand out degrees! My school doesn't charge per unit. It doesn't issue grades( wait...it sort of does). My school is everyday life and I imagine that you and I have been learning the same lessons. Some of us keep repeating the same mistakes over and over , while others are able to move on and get a "Lesson Learned" patch to sew on their heart.
Relationships are one of the most, if not the most, important elements of being human. Those around us can make us happy, sad, angry, hurt, annoyed, love, smile,frown...etc...etc. Relationships are constantly evolving, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better. We are always meeting new people and we add them to our lives or not. Sometimes it is a short meeting or a long friendship or more. Sometimes it is one that is never forgotten or, perhaps, it is one we wish we never had. In the end it is a lesson learned all the same.
This is the part of life that is most confusing, difficult and ...... YES..... VERY COMPLICATED..... but I wouldn't change it for the world. Relationships are why we LOVE!
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